1. When a couple begins to learn to solve their problems, it is important that they begin with a solvable problem that isn't too difficult. Why?
Answer: You may have heard me say that 90% of all the problems a couple argues about are the same problems over-and-over-again!. The issue I am concerned with is that this couple has developed a "habit" that needs to be broken. My experience has shown that many troubled couples have lost a sense of purpose in problem solving - that they have forgotten how to focus on finding a solution. They tend to drift, bring up irrelevant issues, and even get pay back for past hurts. The most important thing they need to do here is FOCUS on solving one problem; hopefully something not too charged - and with that gain a little confidence in their abilities to accomplish something positive. So, as far as I am concerned, all I want them to do is practice resolving one issue - something small; get a feeling of accomplishment; and get a little dose of doing something positive. Gradually, if they remain consistent they can start moving on to more difficult issues. Dr GAP
